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A Snapshot of Life …-Part I . By Kevin Beary
With Great Disdain and Rebellious nature, I undertook
a venture; that which I knew via powerful intuition
was destined to fail.
This venture would be described after the fact as
"adulthood". Thrust upon me during my pubescent
years, this title was unknown to me ; nor was its
chores and responsibilities truly clear. In fact,
the very transformation was far beyond the scope of
my sensibilities at that time.
Thus described, I shall continue…
I was goaded onto this path via a variety of strategies:
harping, hounding, needling, pushing, pleading and
demanding. This media was spiced with a topping of
neglect, a dose of tough love (resembles neglect on
all its edges) and a bit of bribery. All of which
was to instill in me a sense of responsibility and
self-reliance, a foundation for my future 'adulthood'.
The providers of this cacophony of inducements came
from a great many sources; family members, endless amounts
of teachers, principals, counselors, a score of psychologists,
nuns and priests, not to mention friends` families,
security guards, policemen; All of whom took a Great
Interest in my soon-to-come transformation. It gave
them enormous pleasure in squashing my idyllic youthful
views and indiscretions, and pounding them into a
drab Grey matter of societal conformance.
As time moved inexorably forward , social conformance
became second nature. It is said that this is instinctual
in the human species and may be ingrained in all but
the most recalcitrant of individuals , of which I
apparently was no longer.. I strove to become a successful
and compliant citizen of this great country. I actually
deluded myself to believe I yearned for this achievement,
such was the strength of my brainwashing. But how
was I going to achieve this high stature. I suspected
with vague certainty that my current lifestyle choices
were not going to mesh with the high standards of
Duty that I must bear.
*************************I must admit , many years
flowed by during this early stage of my Becoming.
There were many years of uninhibited pleasure seeking
and leisurely enjoyment. Instead of pursuing careers
, I pursued friendships , relationship creation ,
and strengthening bonds between such. There were many
"non-productive" moments of contemplation
of life's true meaning (enjoying it while we can as
it is very possible to be the only one granted us)
*********************
In the end the flood of guilt over the happiness I
was experiencing won out. How could I enjoy myself
when there was work to do. What good is a cushy job
with great hours that provide me with enough leisure
time go surfing at the beach before punching in. How
could it be productive and good to have the flexibility
to stay out all night fraternizing with friends. It
was obvious to any "adult" that this was
not what a grown young man should be experiencing.
It should be time to crack down , get serious , get
into a routine , work hard , etc; My dereliction of
duty was postponing what I must become; a responsible
serious adult. I must cast off all leisurely thought
and focus on doing something of import with my life.
This is what we are bred for. This is what the prior
generation and the generation before that had to endure.
It is now my Lot as well.
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